Crackers for our fragile world

or, beige vs golden brown delicious

Hi y’all.

I don’t know what the fuck is up — maybe it's due to the state of the whole world right now? But I keep vacillating between feeling like I have SO MUCH to say and feeling like I want to just disappear and never say a single word ever again. There are a lot of phone calls. There is a lot of staring off into space while reading my book (currently this, which is hilarious and deeply relatable as a brown girl and second generation American.) There is a lot of listening to the same song seven times in a row. There is a lot of looking at myself in the mirror – like, really looking – as if the self on the other side of the glass will have some answers for me (what’s up?)

Does anyone else feel like this? Are we ok? Have your intrusive thoughts all made friends with each other to create a clamoring cacophony or is it just me? No spiritual bypasses here.

Despite all the big bullshit near and far, DC continues to seduce me. I know that I am only here during the best times of the year (spring and autumn) but goddamn if I don't fall more in love with it each day. The trees are all leafed-out and verdant, the birds are going ham singin their lil songs, and the more my friendships continue to grow and deepen, the more I consider staying here, like, for good. I am currently sitting on the roof-deck of the little carriage-house I share with my friend, while my cat roams around with me and jazz plays downstairs. Pretty dreamy.

In the past two weeks I have been introduced to not one, but two, dope meditation centers. I’ve gone to see local legend Lenny Robinson light up Jojo’s underground bar with his jazz trio, watched mesmerizing dance from one of the best choreographers in the world; Akram Khan, and tomorrow I’m going to see Ebo Taylor on his last US tour ever (shoutout to past-me for buying two tickets way back in December.)

And yet. This feeling persists.

Earlier this month I was having crazy vivid dreams; tsunamis and puking (it’s being dealt with.) I have this urge to chuck 80% of my wardrobe and start fresh. Neutrals only; desert tones. Am I searching for elegance or evanescence? It’s hard to say. There is freedom in simplicity, but where is the balance? How much can we strip down before our true nature is lost? As Orion Sun sings, emptiness isn’t freedom. At what point does observance of the yamas & niyamas veer into acquiescence to this fascist capitalist regime? The resistance can’t rise from passive beige sheeple!

Sigh.

Speaking of beige, a little GBD (that’s golden brown delicious to all y’all who didn’t grow up in kitchens) to cure what ails ya — and hey! Maybe that’s the key. The difference between spiritual minimalism and complete surrender is as simple as the difference between golden brown delicious and beige.

Last post, I outlined the 3 doshas; vata, pitta, and kapha. We contain all three but usually have one that is more dominant. Below is a recipe for what has become one of my signatures — from way back when I was at The London Plane in Seattle. The crackers themselves are best for Kapha types, as they balance out heavy, wet, earth with their ethereal crispiness. Conversely, they should be eaten in moderation by vata types who already tend to be light and dry. Perrrrito, the sesame, caraway and nigella seeds are balancing to all three doshas, so — have at it. They’re so good, it will be hard not to eat way too many at a time anyway. You’ve been warned.

Caraway Nigella Seed Crackers

300 g AP flour

188 g rye flour

1/2 c buttermilk

1/2 c h20

3/4 c evoo

2 t kosher salt

1 T caraway seed

1 T nigella seed

1 T toasted sesame seed

Mix all in a bowl until a sticky dough forms.

Divide into 4 equal pieces.

Wrap individually and let rest out at room temp for 1 hour.

Roll out each piece to roughly the size of a half sheet tray and score lightly (2”x3” rectangles)

Brush generously with olive oil and sprinkle with Maldon salt.

Bake at 350 for 12 minutes or so, rotating half way through.

When cool, snap the crackers along the lines you scored and store in an airtight bag for up to 1 month.